You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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