I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize