I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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