Can Purell be used as lube?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
