Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
