on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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