I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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