i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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