You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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