So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
