She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
