Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
