Sponge bath it is.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
