Porn is love you can see.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
