I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
