i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
