I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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