her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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