her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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