11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
