Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
