I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
