We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
honey bunches of taint.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
