Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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