Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
