I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
