some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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