I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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