it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
