What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
