they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
