I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
