So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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