Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
