She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
