He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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