Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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