She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
