Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
