I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have tasted many bathrooms
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
