Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
