Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
