my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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