Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
