I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
