i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
