I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
