I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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