You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
