Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
