if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
