I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
