I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
