What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
