my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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