Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
