y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
