Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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