exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
