so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
