Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize