Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
