The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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