I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize