he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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