i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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