I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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