I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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